The next 28 Days (26 now), I am going to use my blog as a journal recording thoughts, challenges and triumphs for the current health challenge I am a part of. This is to help me with writing through my issues and feelings related to my food addiction/compulsive eating issues.
Food addiction is a really interesting thing. It is different than anything I have ever experienced before. Though I fully realize now that I have had issues with this for a very long time. I used food and abused food for a long time. I used it to not confront issues and emotional stressors are the biggest trigger for a binge.
Also, this is inspired from a few other sources. A woman I know of is on a similar journey with her husband and has a similar forum that she is facing her trials in. And I hope that reporting here to whomever may be reading this will provide an additional layer of processing in my corner.
So the first two days (today is day two), I have made it through! ...so far. Monday was great. Temptations were everywhere to binge, to mindlessly eat food that I didn't really want but I said a prayer yesterday morning that went with me throughout the whole day and it worked. I slowed down my pace, took things in and really tried to listen. Listen to where hunger was really coming from. Listen to the voice in my heart and head, was is real or negative? Was the voice reinforcing or destructive? It is a blessing on the days when I can be present with myself.
Today I have had a good day as well. No binging. It has been hard. My mind has been obsessively thinking about food, the next time I can get to the store and buy junk and eat it all so fast before anyone sees. What? That's the way my brain works a lot of the time for both food and other things. Food addiction is interesting.
What I ended up doing was getting on a support call meeting this evening for my primary recovery. Then, the way the time differences are I was able to be apart of two recovery meetings. These things are such great blessings! Though right now my mind is actively obsessing over food and what I can eat and buy and binge tomorrow...I have been strengthened. In the Lord, in the strength and hope of others recovering from various addictions, in the beauty of brokenness and trying.
Here's to tomorrow, one moment at a time.