Tuesday, November 19, 2013

missionary work and the Atonement

A sister also preparing for her mission shared this in a Facebook group.


keep going, it's possible!

This is one year and seven months since I began the repentance process to change my life. 19 months since I began to work and really feel the power of the Atonement in my life. To know Christ's love and sacrifice for me. To believe in Christ as well as believe Him.

Today is one year for me. One year since I finally turned my addiction over to the Lord. So much happens in a year. In just seven months I will hopefully have a Master's Degree...but lets stay present!

It has been 13 months since I decided to serve a full-time mission for The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. A decision that has enriched my very soul and challenged yet fed my resolve.

It has been 9 months since I began my health journey which has helped inspire other important people in my life as well! I love them all. We amaze and inspire each other every day.

It has been 6 months since I went through the temple to receive my endowment. Something that has enlightened and strengthened my relationship with Father and my earthly family.

It has been 2 weeks since I had my interview with my Bishop to start my mission papers. ONE week since I received access to begin them.

With God all things really are possible. Daily decisions for good, though they get harder everyday, bring us closer to Him. I know this.

I am so grateful for all of my missionary friends who are preparing to go, now serving and who have returned home. I can't wait to talk with them all and just ask questions and be so excited with them!

It is such a hard, yet magnificent time to be alive. So much can happen in a year. :)

being present

When I was learning about different therapies in my undergrad, I was always enamored with the therapies that would demand presence from the clients. The therapist would keep them in the here and now. I thought that was so novel considering how many people think of the past, blame the past, fault others and so on for how they may be acting in that moment. Really, you control what you do. Yes, others' actions may be perceived as unkind, hurtful, rude, impatient...and this list goes on, but what we do with what happens matters.

Going to different addiction recovery meetings and listening to conferences and idea was brought up. Addicts have trouble staying in the present. For many we've lived in our past highs and live for our future fixes. As we go into recovery sometimes it is still hard to get out of that mindset. We may constantly plan for the future or wish for a time when "we were better."

This became really present for me yesterday talking with a teacher. While I was panicking about my timeline about my Masters Project saying...its the MIDDLE of November and before you know it, in a month we are gone for six weeks! I'm out of time. I was in a severe panic attack and thankfully he was kind and understanding. But he added, a healthy dose of panic can be helpful. Don't let it overtake you. Use it to your advantage but stay in the present moment and just work. Don't give up because you feel like its all over.

So continually learning about being present is ever more...present. Haha Grateful for people who can pull me back and help me focus, not add more pressure.

Friday, November 15, 2013

mom: providing moments of peace since 1989

Sometimes you are exhausted. And then the germs in your world decide to grab you and make you sick. And then through the little sleep because you are working on papers, stress, deadlines, trips, assignments, callings, volunteer work something gives. It gives because you were up so late and awake really early each day working on more papers and you can't breathe. But, through the fog that is the end of any grad school and college semester, your mom steps in to help from across the miles. To make that phone call, to take one thing off your plate so you can get by. Then your trip falls apart because you think you have the flu or something: fever, sore ears, chills, throat ache, nausea, migraine and stomach problems. So instead of heading to where your heart would be happy for the weekend you stay home. Because you are exhausted and have so much work to do and are sicker today than yesterday.

But you find comfort and joy that your mom still has the ability to succor you from across the miles. You are grateful for her help.

Wednesday, November 13, 2013


stream process:

this is so hard. but sometimes it is so easy. sometimes people need to vent. but sometimes it doesn't make sense. sometimes the more you care for someone and give your all the more you give, the more you feel the let down at the end. the more your heart aches at all you give and feel you give. but you keep going, keep smiling, keep trying to be the best you can because that person needs love and support. you support in the best way you know how because it is all you can give. are any of us ever really supported and met where and how we fully need? only from God and our Savior Jesus Christ. there will always be moments missed and times when you gave all your soul could muster and it won't be enough. but inside knowing that you did it...should, could, would be enough if you couldn't feel the absolute let down of the other. when you feel that heartbreak and anger come at you then it incapacitates you. knocks you down for a few days. even though you pray and plead in your heart to come through and read scriptures or talks; the way you feel devastates your soul. people love you. you laugh. you smile and keep moving. but that gnawing inside that you didn't meet that one person's needs doesn't go away. then you hear their anger and/or frustration and its all confirmed again. in that moment...you weren't good enough. but you still try, love and move on though your soul is breaking. you try because that is what the Savior does, His sorrow is mirrored in yours. and though you may never meet this person or that one, try with everything you have because at least you are giving your all.

Monday, November 11, 2013

Veteran's Day

Each year I watch Band of Brother's and reflect during Veteran's Day weekend. I will try and spend time out, appreciating our Veteran's. This year I've been trying to do this all month. Yesterday I had the privilege of being able to be at the World Trade Center Memorial in NYC. All weekend I saw military personnel throughout the city. A pride, yes pride, swelled within my chest that people still wish to sacrifice and serve this country.

While walking into the Memorial, there were so many men and women in their uniforms. I teared up at the back drop of seeing these amazing individuals against something that represented why some signed up. I smiled, thanked a few and continued in through the gate. All throughout the memorial, in each name that belongs to a Veteran who died on 9/11, a yellow rose was placed there. It was quite a beautiful and full of sorrow.

I am grateful for the peaceful and reflective experience this past weekend, especially yesterday, offered me to honor this Nation's Veterans. Thank you all. Your sacrifice is not lost on me. I pray that it never will be.

I am eternally grateful to my Grandpa, Uncles, cousin's husband, sister-in-law's dad and sister, friends, friend's spouses...and the list continues of amazing people I have had the privilege of knowing and those I will never know.


I started my mission papers Sunday November 5th! I had my interview with my Bishop and he and I are starting this. Dang, I never though this day would come but I am so excited to be able to be on this journey.

I know that my journey in TSFL and through ARP and going through the temple for my endowments and strengthening my testimony have helped build me into this person. I was talking to a friend last night about the changes. I said, "one thing at a time" and then laughed because most of the time its like three and five things at a time!

All with the Lord's help and the support of friends and family.


I had a teacher once that I loved so much! He became my mentor. I was talking to a friend about him one day and she said that one day you will be that to someone. 

I signed up to be a mentor a few weeks ago. We have met once. She is such a sweet girl with a wonderful spirit. I am excited to get to know her better and be what I can.