In life there are so many beautiful things. I feel like I have been blessed to be able to see and feel these even when faced with a dark trial or circumstance. Sometimes it takes a trusted friend to remind me to look but they are there.
This weekend I went to go see the new movie 12 Years a Slave with a friend. All I can say is I felt almost hollow at the end because I didn't know, or even want to know how I felt. I came home and wrote in my journal and stared at the wall. I thought the overwhelming majority of the movie was devastating and beautiful. The moments of tenderness against the real horrors of slavery took my breath away to see that. There were times that I could see the absolute darkness that a soul possessed because they decided to turn to it. But in that darkness there was still the light in them that broke through even if for a small second. We all possess that light! To see it coming from these actors as they portrayed the individuals from history-haunting is one way to put it. This is a credit to the actors definitely.
I went to Oklahoma with my roommate on Saturday. It made me happy, the songs and the familiarity of everything. It brought such light but more time to sit and dually think about what was happening in my mind. During the dream portion, so much of it related to feelings I had while watching 12 Years a Slave.
There hasn't been a time in the past few days that I have closed my eyes and not thought about this film. It took me until Saturday night talking with my dad about what I was feeling that I actually cried. I couldn't figure it out but I knew tears should be associated with what I saw. But even after our conversation when I fell asleep, I dreamed about it. The sorrow, anger, guilt, empathy, love, peace, frustration, confusion and so many other things I felt over the past few days. I dreamt about seeing the good in even the worst people, seeing them as their greatest potential holds. It was quite unsettling.
I have had more dreams these past few days that I could remember than in a long time. I just wish they would stop.