Thursday, October 31, 2013

Law of Reversibility

As I am nearing one year in recovery a lot of opportunities have come my way to mess everything up, to fall to a craving or temptation. But I have made it through each time with an eye on my greater desire to be in line with what my heart truly wants. My heart wants to do all it can to continue closer to God and the Lord. My heart doesn't want to be bound by addiction anymore. My heart wants to be free to choose.

I got this e-mail from the amazing Recovery2.0 website about the Law of Reversibility. Here are some thoughts that I really took to contemplate.
"The Universe, will give you an opportunity to take back your habit.  It might sound something like this: “Are you sure you want to give that up for good?  This is the Great Spirit’s way of asking you to review your commitment.  The inquiry itself is empowering and serves to strengthen you moving forward.

Knowing about the law of reversibility will be helpful on your pathway to enduring success in recovery and life.  It exists.  You will notice it in your life.  And when it expresses itself, you can bring awareness to what is happening and connect with a friend, mentor or teacher and say, “I am being given an opportunity to take back a commitment I have made. Can you help me think it through clearly?”  This approach will bring to light what needs to be seen.  You will be progressing forward with greater awareness of what you have achieved and why it is important to stay the course.  If you came to me as your mentor asking whether you should return to an addictive behavior or not, I would simply ask if you felt that returning to the behavior would bring you closer or further from your own heart.  Most people who are made to reflect about this, will admit that to go back to the addictive behavior is not in line with their heart.  Does admitting this guarantee that you will continue with your commitment?  Of course not, but giving voice to your heart is a magical thing to do.  Even if you went back to smoking, you would do so with the clear understanding that you are at odds with yourself.  This is a painful place to be.  You would be paying a price every time you smoked and very soon you would not be able to take it any longer.  You would have been reminded once again about the suffering that you experience when you smoke. 
This is very dangerous for people who are involved in hardcore drug abuse and alcoholism.  For those people, going back to do more “field research” might claim their lives.  And yet, as I know all too well there is no way to stop someone from a relapse if they are determined to have one. 

The law of reversibility arises in order for you to clarify your heart’s intent of remaining on the path of recovery and health.  Once you do this, the energy will shift and you will move into a period of greater clarity and power.  I wish this for you."

As each of us are meeting benchmarks in our lives of changing habits, even if you aren't overcoming addictions. I too wish you the opportunity to clarify your heart's intent. 

Health and Joy*

Monday, October 28, 2013


In life there are so many beautiful things. I feel like I have been blessed to be able to see and feel these even when faced with a dark trial or circumstance. Sometimes it takes a trusted friend to remind me to look but they are there.

This weekend I went to go see the new movie 12 Years a Slave with a friend. All I can say is I felt almost hollow at the end because I didn't know, or even want to know how I felt. I came home and wrote in my journal and stared at the wall. I thought the overwhelming majority of the movie was devastating and beautiful. The moments of tenderness against the real horrors of slavery took my breath away to see that. There were times that I could see the absolute darkness that a soul possessed because they decided to turn to it. But in that darkness there was still the light in them that broke through even if for a small second. We all possess that light! To see it coming from these actors as they portrayed the individuals from history-haunting is one way to put it. This is a credit to the actors definitely.

I went to Oklahoma with my roommate on Saturday. It made me happy, the songs and the familiarity of everything. It brought such light but more time to sit and dually think about what was happening in my mind. During the dream portion, so much of it related to feelings I had while watching 12 Years a Slave.

There hasn't been a time in the past few days that I have closed my eyes and not thought about this film. It took me until Saturday night talking with my dad about what I was feeling that I actually cried. I couldn't figure it out but I knew tears should be associated with what I saw. But even after our conversation when I fell asleep, I dreamed about it. The sorrow, anger, guilt, empathy, love, peace, frustration, confusion and so many other things I felt over the past few days. I dreamt about seeing the good in even the worst people, seeing them as their greatest potential holds. It was quite unsettling.

I have had more dreams these past few days that I could remember than in a long time. I just wish they would stop.

Friday, October 4, 2013


This past week I have been listening to this amazing free conference called Recovery 2.0 for anyone in recovery from addiction or seeking to begin recovery. Basically anyone at any place in their addiction and recovery journey. Goodness I have been so inspired by the talks I have listened to. There have definitely been some that have made me scratch my head but I heard so much truth. Truth in the way that a lot of what all of these individuals said resonated with the aspects of the gospel of Jesus Christ. It made me continuously grateful for the good people out there who listen and learn and find that truth resonates with them, even if it is only parts of it sometimes. I have found that the gospel's truth open up the truth, reality and beauty that is found in the rest of the world. It is truly magnificent. I am so grateful for the restored gospel and the healing power it has brought me in recovery and beyond in my earthly journey.