Monday, July 15, 2013

Trust

This is such a surprising topic that came up this past week but after some things have finally calmed down I can really, really see so much in my life.

I have trusted so many people through the years. Maybe I gave it away too freely when I was younger. Trust is something to be earned, really earned and worked for. Maybe I trust because of the amount of people I felt like I lost while growing up because of being Mormon or overweight or who knows anymore. I just remember those two over and over again. I came to a point where I would not trust anyone with anything. Less pain, right?

It takes me a long, long time to trust people and when I open up...its huge! And when I open up, I expect a person as loyal and fierce as I will be for them!

But this past year I have been trying to find a balance of disclosure, trust and just when to be the "I'll tell you what you want to hear" person. This past Sunday was hard...mostly residual from the past week all leaking out at church which I hate bc people ask questions. Needless to say I thought, sure, why not. You've been getting to know this person slowly over the past year and a half off and on. Why not? Oh my goodness the conversation was great in the hardest way possible at moments. But I have  a tremendous amount of respect for a person who can be that straight up with me to my face even though it still today was a little eh to my soul.

Long story short. I am just trying to find the balance of trust in my life. Am I still offering it too soon? Am I too guarded? I have been burned too many times in too many ways that I am pretty sure I will keep a guard wall until...I don't know.

How and who do you trust? When do you open up?

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